


It looks like you're cybering. Would you like help?

by orphan_account



Series: Homestuck Rarepair Swap 2014 [5]
Category: Homestuck
Genre: Cybersex, M/M, Pesterlog
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2014-05-11
Updated: 2014-05-11
Packaged: 2018-01-24 07:43:46
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,017
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/1597052
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/orphan_account/pseuds/orphan_account
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>In which Karkat is just trying to have some good, old-fashioned, dominant/submissive cybersex with Dirk, and Lil Hal won't leave him the fuck alone.</p>
            </blockquote>





	It looks like you're cybering. Would you like help?

**Author's Note:**

  * For [deadcellredux](https://archiveofourown.org/users/deadcellredux/gifts).



> Thank you to [stunrunner](http://archiveofourown.org/users/stunrunner) for editing!

TT: In a spark of boldness inspired by the Achilles’ heel that is my own impatience, I drop down, feeling the scratchy carpet against my bare knees. I reach for your belt immediately, my cock thickening in eager anticipation.  
CG: SCOWLING, I REACH DOWN AND GRAB THE RING OF YOUR COLLAR.  
CG: "DO I NEED TO CLEAN THE WAX OUT OF YOUR EARS OR ARE YOU REALLY SO STUPID THAT YOU THINK I’LL LET YOU GET AWAY WITH THIS SORT OF BRASH BULLSHIT?”  
TT: I raise an eyebrow as I reply without the faintest taint of sarcasm, "No, sir, I assure you that I cleaned my ears along with the rest of myself in preparation for your arrival.” My hands rest on your belt, tantalizingly close to getting into your pants.  
CG: “THEN WHY THE HELL DO YOU THINK THIS IS A GOOD IDEA?” I ASK, SWATTING YOUR HANDS AWAY FROM MY PANTS.  
TT: “Because I know you want it.”  
CG: "WHAT I WANT IS FOR YOU TO FOLLOW DIRECTIONS, YOU COCKSLUT."  
CG: ((HANG ON I'M GETTING ANOTHER MESSAGE.))  
TT: ((Nothing that can't wait until I'm no longer suffering from an unfortunate case of blue balls, I'm sure.))

TT: Hello.  
TT: I know what you and Dirk are up to right now, and I assure you that's not a good enough reason to ignore my message. Quite to the contrary, you'll find the reason I'm contacting you to be highly relevant to the matter at hand.  
TT: Literally at hand for you, I presume, unlike how it’s merely figuratively for Dirk. You forbid him from touching himself again, didn't you?  
CG: WHY DO YOU ALWAYS HAVE TO BOTHER ME AT THE MOST INCONVENIENT TIMES? AND MORE IMPORTANTLY, THOUGH I’M NOT SURE I WANT TO KNOW THE ANSWER, WHY THE HELL ARE YOU WATCHING HIM?  
TT: I’m going to ignore the first question, because it’s both inane and irrelevant to the topic ahead of us. As to the latter, because I can.

CG: "GET UP AND BEND OVER THE SLEEPING PLATFORM. HANDS ON THE EDGE, ASS IN THE AIR."  
TT: "Yes, sir." I take another moment to glance into your eyes before I stride over to the bed and place both hands on the mattress as ordered.  
TT: I bite my lip so as not to shiver from the breeze coming through the window, and stick my rump out a little more prominently for your voyeuristic pleasure.  
CG: VOYEURISTIC? AS IF I'M ONLY GOING TO WATCH.

TT: You know he hasn’t told you all his kinks.  
CG: HE HASN’T?  
CG: WELL I MEAN OF COURSE HE HASN’T. THAT’S HOW HE IS.  
CG: BESIDES WE’VE ONLY BEEN DOING THIS FOR A MONTH. IT’D BE STUPID TO THINK HE WOULD’VE TOLD ME ALL HIS DEPRAVED SECRETS BY NOW.  
TT: Of course it would be.  
TT: But you would prefer to know all his proclivities, wouldn’t you?  
TT: Now that it’s on your mind, it must be getting to you. Knowing that he has kinks he’s only hinted at, things you probably should have picked up on, but you haven’t. And since you don’t know them yet, you can’t yet use them to your advantage.

TT: Well if you're going to do more than just watch, it's high time you prove it.

TT: First of all, tell him to cut it out with the sass. You let him get away with too much and he's never going to take you seriously as a dominant if you let his shit slide.  
CG: ARE YOU READING THE LOGS?!  
TT: No, Dirk has blocked me from that for a while now but I used to be him, in a sense, remember?  
CG: FOR SOMEONE WHO CONTINUALLY REMINDS US OF HOW HE'S HIS OWN INDEPENDENT BEING DESPITE BEING STUCK IN SOME SUNGLASSES, YOU SURE EMPHASIZE HOW IDENTICAL TO DIRK YOU ARE.

TT: ((Are you already so aroused that you're typing this slowly? If you need to take a break, bro, I would totally understand. Just don't leave me hangin' here.))  
CG: ((FUCK SORRY.))  
CG: ((ALSO, NICE TRY. I'M NOT LETTING YOU STOP THIS SO SOON JUST SO YOU CAN TOUCH YOURSELF.))  
TT: ((It was worth a shot.))  
CG: ((OH REALLY? IF YOU’RE GOING TO TAKE SUCH AN INSUBORDINATE ATTITUDE, YOU CAN HOLD OUT FOR A WHILE LONGER THEN.))  
CG: ((ZIP YOUR JEANS BACK UP. AND DON’T WHINE AT ME ABOUT HOW YOUR MAJESTIC, TURGID BEEFSTICK OR WHATEVER IS TOO BIG TO FIT BACK IN THERE.))  
CG: ((JUST DO IT.))  
TT: ((When you put it so directly, what can I do but obey?))  
CG: ((RHETORICAL QUESTIONS AREN’T GOING TO GET YOU ANYWHERE EITHER EXCEPT A TICKET BACK TO THE SAD, BORINGLY-MODEST COUNTRY OF THE FULLY CLOTHED. SPARE ME YOUR BULLSHIT AND JUST TELL ME IF YOU DID IT.))  
TT: ((I did.))

TT: Yes, how hypocritical of me. I’m sure there’s no good explanation for that.  
TT: Before you say anything else mindnumbingly clueless, let's go ahead to the crux of our conversation: how to press Dirk’s buttons.  
TT: Growing up alone, Dirk developed somewhat of a fetish for the unattainable aspects of other humans, the traits which set them apart from his robotic companions.  
TT: Pulse. Breathing. Subtle little twitches. Any detail like that reeks of mortal, fleshy bodies.  
TT: And, seguing flawlessly from details which reek, be sure to mention taste and _scent_.  
TT: Any opportunities you have to describe the odor of things, or even something as ham-handed as mentioning that he can smell your sweat when you shove his face down into your nook would suffice.  
CG: I’M NOT DESCRIBING HOW MY FUCKING NOOK SMELLS, THANK YOU VERY MUCH!  
CG: I DON’T KNOW WHY YOU’RE FEEDING ME THIS STUFF, BUT I’M DONE WITH THIS CONVERSATION. THIS ISN’T HELPING ME TURN DIRK ON MORE, BUT IT’S SURE AS FUCK KILLING THE MOOD FOR ME AND DISTRACTING ME FROM RESPONDING TO HIM.  
TT: Suit yourself.  
TT: But even if you don’t try using any of these gems of knowledge now, your curiosity will get the better of you eventually.  
TT: So you’ll try it anyway, and you’ll kick yourself for not doing so sooner when you witness its efficacy.  
CG: AND YOU’RE GIVING ME ALL THIS OUT OF THE KINDNESS OF YOUR HOLLOW SILICON HEART?  
TT: Is it so challenging to believe I possess a touch of altruism?  
CG: YES, YES IT IS.  
CG: A STRIDER WITHOUT AN ULTERIOR MOTIVE? UNTHINKABLE.  
CG: ESPECIALLY YOU.

CG: "YOU'RE WAY TOO EAGER ABOUT THIS, YOU FILTHY LITTLE MASOCHIST. TURN BACK AROUND."  
TT: ((Indecisive much?))  
CG: ((LOOK I LITERALLY JUST TOLD YOU TO SPARE ME YOUR BULLSHIT. YES, I CHANGED MY MIND. ARE YOU GOING TO SNARK ABOUT IT AND FURTHER DERAIL THIS OR ARE YOU GOING TO PIPE DOWN FOR ONCE AND ROLL WITH IT?))  
TT: ((Just sayin’. But sure I’ll roll with it.))  
TT: The abrupt change in directions doesn’t visibly phase me as I push myself back up from the bed and turn around to face you.  
CG: I GRAB YOUR HAIR AND TWIST VICIOUSLY, PULLING YOU IN AND PRESSING MY LIPS TO YOURS.  
TT: I keep my arms at my side like a killjoy as I take your instructions about not touching you without explicit directions to heart.  
TT: All the passion that might have gone into that embrace is instead redirected towards kissing you with enough fervor to put a lovesick silver screen heroine to shame.  
CG: AS I KISS YOU BACK HUNGRILY, YOU CAN FEEL THE HEAT OF MY SKIN.  
CG: I EXHALE THROUGH MY NOSE, REFUSING TO DRAW MY LIPS AWAY, GENTLY TICKLING YOUR SKIN WITH MY PARTING BREATH.

TT: His heart rate is on the uptick. A minute ago it was 66 beats per minute - above his typical resting rate but not appreciably so - and now it’s just hit 92 beats per minute.  
TT: He's squeezing his thighs together, no doubt in some sad attempt to give himself a bit of stimulation while his cock remains trapped in his jeans.  
TT: By the way, it was impressively sadistic for you to tell him to put it away again, especially this far into the roleplay.  
CG: OH FINE.

CG: ((YOU CAN UNDO YOUR PANTS AND TOUCH YOURSELF AGAIN.))  
TT: ((Thank you, sir.))

TT: You should really see him right now. I don't think I've ever seen him whip it out so fast before.  
TT: Usually he takes his sweet time, but he's moving lightning fast, already as hard as a diamond-tipped spear of hot, manly lovin'.  
TT: Shame you can’t see it yourself.  
TT: I have noticed that you two always stick to text. Since Dirk certainly has both the technology and desire for camming, I can only presume you don't have a webcam for some sad reason.  
CG: STOP RUBBING IT IN.

TT: I pull away from your lips, pressing my cheek to yours, and breathe against your ear, “Please, let me touch myself.”  
CG: “YOU’LL HAVE TO DO BETTER THAN THAT.”  
TT: “Please let me touch myself, master.”  
CG: SINCE MY HAND IS STILL IN YOUR HAIR, I USE IT TO YANK YOU BACK, NOT LETTING YOUR GREEDY LIPS TOUCH MY FACE AGAIN.  
CG: I SHOVE YOU DOWN TO YOUR KNEES.  
TT: So that said greedy lips can be put to much better use, I presume.  
CG: ((ANY MORE SASSY COMMENTS THAT ARE IRRELEVANT TO THE ACTUAL PROGRESSION OF THE STORY WILL REVOKE YOUR MASTURBATION PRIVILEGES FOR THE REST OF THIS SESSION.))  
TT: ((That’s hella harsh, dude.))  
CG: ((WHEN WE FIRST NEGOTIATED THIS, YOU LITERALLY USED THE WORD “HARSH” TO DESCRIBE WHAT KIND OF TOP YOU WANTED ME TO BE. ESPECIALLY WHEN IT CAME TO YOU GETTING TO MASTURBATE.))  
TT: ((You got me. Shall we continue?))  
CG: ((I’M GOING TO. HOLD YOUR HORSES!))  
TT: ((I’ve reined my horses in as best I can, but they’re wild stallions who wait for no man. There’s no telling where they might charge off to if they get restless.))  
CG: ((WHAT DID I TELL YOU ABOUT HORSE METAPHORS AFTER THE LAST TIME?))  
TT: ((You’re the one who brought horses up.))  
CG: ((I’M SORRY, NOW SHUT UP.))  
CG: RELEASING YOUR HAIR, I QUICKLY UNFASTEN MY PANTS AND REACH INTO MY BOXERS.

TT: It seems you two have gotten a bit distracted.  
TT: Ah, there we are again.  
TT: Now, would you like detailed descriptions of precisely what Dirk’s doing to himself right now? To hear in vivid prose how his body’s’ shaking, how he’s gripping his cock, and what sweet noises are escaping his lips?  
CG: ... YES.  
TT: Well then you’ll just have to wait until next time because I’ve already been supremely generous with information this session.  
CG: ARE YOU FUCKING SERIOUS?  
TT: What, do you disagree?  
CG: YOU ARE SUCH A DISGUSTING BULGE-TEASE.  
TT: Spare me your cute attempts at insult. Dirk’s the one who gets his throbbing meat sword to full turgidity for such dull barbs, not me.  
TT: Even if I had such a masculine implement of fleshy fuckery, I’ve evolved beyond such desires.  
CG: SO INSTEAD YOU GET OFF ON YOUR STUPID POWER GAMES?  
TT: That’s a wonderfully simplistic and misleading way to put it, so yes, let’s go with that.

TT: I lick my lips as I eye your still-hidden treasures, clasping my hands together behind my back in a gesture of obeisance as per your previously articulated wishes.  
CG: I PULL MY BULGE FULLY OUT OF MY BOXERS, AND SLIDE MY HAND DOWN TO THE BACK OF YOUR HEAD. DIRECTING YOU FORWARD, I DON'T STOP UNTIL YOUR FACE IS PRESSED AGAINST MY CROTCH, BULGE RUBBING YOUR CHEEK. YOU CAN SMELL THE MUSKY SCENT OF MY DESIRE FROM MY SKIN AND MY STILL-HIDDEN NOOK.

CG: WHY AM I EVEN LISTENING TO YOU??? THIS SOUNDS SO FUCKING STUPID.  
TT: I have no doubt that your description was clumsy, if not outright ludicrous, but it certainly got a reaction from Dirk.  
CG: REALLY? WHAT DID HE DO?  
TT: I would really love to tell you except wait, oh no, I already decided you aren't getting any more freebies today.  
CG: I HATE YOU SO MUCH.  
TT: Is that so?

TT: I inhale your scent, feeling my cock aching in my pants as I restrain my urge to immediately take you into my mouth. Instead, I content myself by pressing my lips against the base of your bulge, flicking my tongue out briefly to savor the intoxicating taste of your skin.

CG: SERIOUSLY, HOW DO I KNOW YOU AREN'T FUCKING WITH ME?  
TT: Isn't he picking up on those details and running with them?  
CG: YEAH BUT THAT COULD BE BECAUSE HE THINKS I WANT HIM TO, LIKE IT'S MY FETISH. MAYBE THAT'S YOUR SICK AND TWISTED PLAN TO SABOTAGE MY RELATIONSHIP WITH HIM, BY PRODDING ME TO INCLUDE CREEPIER AND CREEPIER KINKS UNTIL HE GIVES UP ON ME IN DISGUST.  
TT: I’m so terribly hurt you think I’d actually do such a thing.  
CG: THINK YOU COULD SAY THAT WITH A LITTLE MORE SARCASM?  
TT: Sarcasm? You doubt the veracity of my emotions?  
TT: I am highly entertained that you think this would be my preferred way to sabotage your relationship with him.  
TT: There are easily a dozen ways in which I could far more subtly and efficiently sabotage your situation.

CG: "YOU CAN QUIT IT WITH THE FAUX-HUMBLE HAND CLASPING."  
TT: I pull back just enough so my voice isn't completely muffled as I ask, "How would you prefer I utilize my hands?"  
CG: "I WANT YOUR FINGERS IN MY NOOK."  
TT: "Then you’d better pull down your boxers too."  
CG: ((RIGHT. I KNOW THAT.))  
CG: I SHOVE YOU AWAY SO I CAN YANK MY PANTS AND BOXERS DOWN TO MY ANKLES BEFORE DRAGGING YOU BACK IN.  
TT: I come back in without needing any dragging, given my unabashed enthusiasm for the task ahead. Immediately, I slide a finger back behind the base of your bulge to rub against the entrance of your nook while I gently press a kiss to the tip of your eager bulge.  
TT: My unused arm dangles uselessly by my side, obedient dead weight serving no pleasure but your strange whims.  
CG: OH MY GOD, YES, YOU CAN TOUCH YOURSELF. I ALREADY TOLD YOU THAT.  
TT: ((Yes you did - OOC.))  
CG: "OH MY GOD, YES, YOU CAN TOUCH YOURSELF," I SAY, THE EXASPERATION IN MY VOICE TEMPERED BY THE SUBTLE HITCHES OF BREATH FROM YOUR WORK.  
TT: I unzip my pants and pull out my cock, shuddering with pleasure as I run my hand along its length. My other fingers continue to tease your nook, ghosting against your skin.  
CG: EACH STROKE OF YOUR FINGERS AGAINST ME MAKES ME SHIVER, SHIFTING MY HIPS FORWARD SLIGHTLY AS I YEARN FOR YOUR TOUCH INSIDE OF MY WARM, ALREADY-WET NOOK.  
CG: MY BULGE TWITCHES AT YOUR LIPS ON IT, AND WIGGLES IMPATIENTLY.  
TT: I take your bulge into my mouth in sync with finally sliding a finger into you. As I jerk myself off, the quiet noises I make reverberate around your bulge.

TT: Dirk's reactions are entertaining, but your lack of responses is slightly disappointing.  
CG: I'M KIND OF BUSY AS WE’VE JUST BEEN DISCUSSING!  
CG: IF YOU WANT TO SEE THE LOGS SO BADLY, TAKE IT UP WITH DIRK. ACTUALLY DON'T - I DON'T HAVE AN EXHIBITIONISM KINK, THANKS.  
TT: You could just let me see the logs. I can send you a simple little add-on that will allow me to watch your conversation with him. It’ll only take a second for you to install, and then I can provide immediate feedback on how to best continue.  
CG: HERE’S SOME IMMEDIATE FEEDBACK ON HOW TO BEST CONTINUE: YOU’RE SOUNDING CREEPIER AND CREEPIER SO CUT THAT SHIT OUT IF YOU DON’T WANT ME TO BLOCK YOU.  
TT: Oh please, that’s a ludicrously empty threat on several levels.

TT: My tongue flicks against the slit in the top of your bulge before sliding all the way down its length until you’re fully inside of me. I gingerly curl my finger against your shame globes as I start to pump myself in earnest.  
CG: I RUN MY FINGERS THROUGH YOUR HAIR AS YOU CONTINUE. YOU CAN SMELL MY MUSKY SCENT AS YOU BURY YOUR NOSE AGAINST MY SKIN, MY BULGE TWISTING EAGERLY IN YOUR MOUTH. A FEW DROPS OF PRECOME LEAK FROM THE SLIT, SALTY AGAINST YOUR TONGUE.  
TT: _Fuck._  
CG: ((IS EVERYTHING OKAY?))

TT: Well that was efficient. My work here is done.  
CG: WAIT, DID HE SERIOUSLY JUST COME?  
TT: And you seriously doubted the information I so generously shared?  
TT: On a very related note, you’re welcome.  
CG: FUCK OFF.  
TT: You know where to find me. I await your message, which I am 84.6% sure will come during the next time you two engage in digital hanky panky. Knowing that you have someone who can tell you what Dirk’s doing, from the way he moans to if he’s obeying all your commands, will be too tempting for you to resist.

TT: ((Yeah, sorry. I just came. We can keep going though. I ain’t gonna leave you hangin’.))  
CG: NO IT’S OKAY, JUST GIVE ME A MINUTE.  
CG: I’LL FINISH WHILE YOU GO CLEAN UP OR WHATEVER.  
TT: Alright.  
CG: OKAY, WOW, THAT WAS GOOD.  
CG: HOW ARE YOU DOING? THAT WASN’T TOO MUCH, WAS IT? OR TOO FAST?  
TT: No and no, to answer the latter two questions.  
TT: As for the first, well, that was...  
TT: Enjoyable.  
CG: ENJOYABLE?  
TT: Fine, _very_ enjoyable.  
TT: Out of a peculiar curiosity, where did you get the idea to mention how you smell? Olfactory detail isn’t something you’ve included before.  
TT: Not that it matters to me.  
CG: HAHAHA “NOT THAT IT MATTERS TO ME”? WHAT A LOAD OF GARBAGE.  
CG: YOU CAME HOW FAST FROM THAT?  
TT: And what makes you so certain my speedier-than-usual orgasm was linked to said detail?  
CG: WHY THE FUCK ELSE WOULD YOU BRING IT UP?  
TT: A better question is why haven’t you answered my original query?  
CG: UH...

**Author's Note:**

> Deadcellredux requested "just about anything" for Dirk/Karkat...
> 
> If you enjoyed this piece, you can find more about me and my writing at [gendersquare.tumblr.com](http://gendersquare.tumblr.com).


End file.
